Yesterday, met up with Hubby and he brought me for a nice dinner at the Coffee Club in Orchard. Although its very short meeting, but I'm contended as Hubby is very tired with the overtime and stuff.

Me at work is atrocious. Tons of works is piling up as I'm rushing for the revenue report and sales report. Things happen to Victor as well, which affected all us at work. Being questioned, interrogate, spying on our computer, and they read and see what we are doing on our computer everyday to make sure we don't do things illegal. Overboard, really over the board. Had ask Hubby to ask for vacancy in reservations. I hope things will be much more simple there. This currently place, we can't stay here long as it already affects our appraisal.

I think I'm loosing grip of myself recently, really loosing grip. I feel that I'm losing Hubby, topic have decrease, I'm not update about his daily life. He don't really talk when he sees me, sms are getting lesser than what we promise we will do. He don't update me that he finish lunch that often, he don't msg me that he reach home that often and he dont msg me that he is going to bed that often. Everytime I read back the smses he sent me, I psycho myself that he is too tired, but me mind wonder off again. He likes to say no to me. No this no that. I also don't why I'm a special case, maybe he treats me like his family that's why he feel comfortable to do that, I don't know. We don't meet up that often, he don't have the urge to see me that much le. I realise I'm not that important to him. Recently, as I'm very sensitive, I realise that he don't hold me hand, we just walk our path. I feel so left out which I'll hold his everytime, I don't know whether he realise. The more he did this the more I'm alone. Sometimes I feel that everyone is closer to him than me. When I talk to Sun, i realise He is like that like that. When I talk to Jo, I realise he is like this like this. So so demoralise, can't tell him how I feel, as I feel that he will find me insensitive and he will get irritated by me. I don't know how to keep the sparks alive. I'm trying my best to keep him with me.

Yesterday, I did ask him why his face is so black. He only smile and say he is tired, so I left it. When we are parting, my big mouth pops a stupid remark which I shouldn't have said. " You can't skip your dinner, if not how you take care of me". Then he said that I'm a strong gal I can take care of myself. Oh my god, I'm so so disappointed. I'm so sad that he will say that. He no longer wanna take care of me like he use to do. I'm so confuse, very very confuse. I don't wanna lose him, means I have to live with it? Isn't there a win-win situation. I don't know how to open my stupid mouth to ask him as he will feel that I'm pulling topic for arguement. I did ask him whether can I rely on him, or I have to take care of myself. He say I have to think about this question and consider. Haiz, I already rely on him alot le, the thought that he don't wanna me to rely on me shatters me to pieces. I remembered him saying if you find the right person just go ahead, I'll support you. I don't know whether he wanna me to carry on with my life or what. The feeling that he can live without me is so scary. Its damn scary, the picture that he paint me is so scary, I don't wanna lose him. I don't wanna lose him. Someone please tell me the way of not losing him and losing myself as well. I'm not expect in this field I realise. I wanted a bright future with him, I wanna work things out with him.

Actually, when I'm writing this entry, I don't know what to expect as I do not know whether he is still reading my blog or he have better things to do. Oh well, I'll be ok I hope sent him a msg whether we are meeting, but the chances are slim. Why am I begging for this as well, let me go cry and clear my thoughts. I need to wash things up, my mind is too corrupted.